The confession of a fraudster.

Today’s article is a little different from previous articles as it is a confession by the perpetrator of a fraud to his offence.
Who is the offender and what precisely is the fraud committed? We hear you ask Dear Reader.
Well the offender is none other than the Editor of this organ. The fraud results from the solar panels fitted to the roof of my property in Cornwall. This is because I have today submitted by first “Feed In Tariff” meter reading and have been told the size of my illicit gain: £339.05.
This amount of money has been taken from your electricity bills. Just to add salt to the wound and heighten your anger further, you will be aware that not only have I been paid a handsome sum for the electricity these panels have generated, I have used most of that electricity myself, so you are in fact paying me to use the electricity I generate. This is rather like paying the burglar to rob you whilst he also profits from selling the items he has stolen from you to his “fence.”
If that was not enough, this illicit income is also free of tax.
So: what is my rate of return – based on this one single payment – for the year?
It is equivalent to receiving 7.57% interest (Gross before tax) from a bank or building society. This rate of return assumes that you are a basic rate (20%) taxpayer Dear Reader.
SSE tell me that they will make my first payment a priority which will mean that I will receive the loot in two to three weeks. My next ilicit payment will take four to six weeks from submission.
Why such a delay? We hear you ask.
Because so many sinful, greedy persons like the Editor have decided to pick the pockets of their neighbours is the answer.
Why have you robbed me? I hear you ask.
Because I needed the money. Is the answer. I refer you to the diagram above.
It may interest you to know the dates when I shall be committing this fraud in future. It will take place four times a year, that is quarterly. The dates being today, 8th September, 8th December, 8th March and 8th June.