Alex in Wonderland: Now joined by Dave and Ed!

“May you live in interesting times.” The apocryphal “Chinese Curse” has probably crossed the minds of many British Gazette readers recently as they observe with increasing bemusement the activities of this country’s politicians.
Indeed, the Editor is compelled to ask: How is it that these incompetents have risen so high? It is normally sensible to assume that a complete nitwit will not survive very long in “the world of work” as their complete lack of judgement and incompetence would ensure that any employer will dispense with their services very quickly.
The first “nitwit” is of course Wily Old Alex Salmond of Linlithgowshire. Mr Salmond imagines himself living in an independent Scotland blessed with high employment, low inflation, high living standards, low CO2 emissions (with its electricity generated by those very reliable cheap to run and maintain wind turbines), high public expenditure, low levels of tax and with high regards paid by Europe’s leaders to Scotland and low levels of debt.
As we said: Alex in Wonderland.
But then into this curious never never land beyond the looking glass, Alex has been joined by two companions: From south of the border in England! They are David from the Royal County of Berkshire and Edward from Middlesex.
Yesterday Mr Cameron made the most extraordinary statement. He declared that, if asked by the Queen to form a government on 8th May, he would not seek a third term! Well he did make the admission in March thus confirming that he is as “mad as a March hare!”
The effects of his statement will of course be to set three particular hares running. These are Buck Boris, Buck George and Doe Theresa. Cameron’s reasons for making this statement are clear: He realizes that a majority Conservative government is a rapidly receding prospect and desiring to stop the three most prominent leadership contenders from briefing against him decided to seize the initiative and turn the tables so to speak. This of course puts the mockers on the Tory’s campaign!
However, as British Gazette readers were reeling in bemusement as they observed this self inflicted wound being made upon the Tory’s rapidly diminishing chances they were treated to another bemusing spectacle: Clearly not wanting to be out done in the race for the dubious accolade of being the UK’s most incompetent party leader Labour’s Ed Miliband – aka Edward the Unfortunate – was determined to “top” Cameron’s gaffe. And top it he did! Ed declared that he would make visiting Scotland during the campaign a priority!!!!
How do we describe how Ed Miliband is received by most Scottish voters? Well let us simply say that compared to Ed, David Cameron is popular! Not surprisingly, Labour’s candidates have announced that they are barring their leader from campaigning in their constituencies! Clearly Ed deems that 40 plus seats for the SNP is not enough and has decided that it should be 50 plus!
Labour politicians in Scotland are emphatically declaring to anyone who will listen that they will not be forming a coalition with the SNP and that a vote for the SNP is in effect a vote for the Conservatives. Meanwhile the Tories are declaring that a vote for the SNP will be a vote for Labour.
Both Tory and Labour politicians are of course right! Voting SNP will deliver a Conservative-Labour coalition!